Bridal Attendants
Introduction
While your groom has to depend on his best man and ushers to
help him on the big day, you have the luxury of being able to
choose a variety of attendants, from Chief Bridesmaid,
bridesmaids, page boys to a little flower girl and ring
bearer, each fulfilling a different role within the ceremony
and afterwards.
Remember that although all of them are possibilities, they are
not necessities and what you choose to have is entirely an
individual decision. Bridesmaids and ushers originate from the
Roman law that demanded ten witnesses be present at a wedding
in order to dupe evil spirits who were believed to attend
marriages with the view to causing mischief and disharmony. The
bridesmaids and ushers all dressed in identical clothing to
the bride and groom so that the evil spirits wouldn't know who
was getting married. Read on to find out what their duties are
in modern times, what they should wear and where appropriate,
what they should say.
Chief Bridesmaid, Matron of Honour or Best Woman
This most important attendant has a vital role in your
preparations and plays a supporting role throughout your
wedding day
If she's single, she is your chief bridesmaid, if she's
married she is your matron of honour and more recently
she is often called the best woman, but whatever her
title, she is as important to you as the best man is to
your groom. Usually she will either be your best friend,
sister or other very close female relative, maybe even a
daughter if you have grown up children.
You should involve your chief bridesmaid in discussions
and decisions in the planning stages and use her as a
sounding board for your ideas right from the start.
Her main duty is to be your personal assistant. She should be
someone you can rely on to chase quotes if required and calm
you down when stress gets the better of you.
A most important task for your chief bridesmaid is to be an
honest and reliable critic when it comes to choosing your
dress. She should be constructive about the styles and colours
that suit you best but make sure you give her some idea what
you are looking for.
Along with helping you select your dress, your chief
bridesmaid should be involved in choosing outfits for herself
and your other attendants. Give her a clear idea of the
colours and styles that you have in mind and the ages of your
attendants. She should also help with getting your other
attendants to fittings on time.
Another task that may crop up is to act as an intermediary if
differences of opinion occur, maybe between you and your
parents or parents-in-law. Hopefully this will not be
necessary but they do happen from time to time. One of her
more fun duties is to arrange your hen night celebrations.
This can range from an evening in a restaurant to an action
packed weekend away. Although these celebrations are supposed
to be a surprise for you, you should make it clear if there
are any no go areas, such as muscle bound stripagrams,
although this could be quite fun! Also, you should give her a
list of who you want to invite as it is unlikely that she will
know all of your friends. Finally, it is important that your
chief bridesmaid attends your wedding rehearsal so that she
knows where she and your other attendants should stand, when
they should sit down and the exact order of the ceremony.
Your chief bridesmaid's role on the day is of utmost
importance to you and your other attendants. She must be the
calming influence for your nerves throughout the entire day.
Be the one to ensure that everyone is where they should be
when they should be, that the right clothes and accessories
are ready for the right person and be prepared to deal with
any emergencies that might arise. Her other duties on the day
include:
Arriving at your house in plenty of time to attend the
hairdressers and make-up artist, being on hand to help dress
younger attendants and keep them looking perfect before the
transport arrives and ensuring that she has emergency supplies
for you throughout the day, e.g. lipstick, tissues and
hairgrips etc.
Your mum, attendants and chief bridesmaid will probably travel
to the ceremony venue together, and your chief bridesmaid's
calming influence will probably be tested to the fore, as they
will all be excited and perhaps a little emotional about the
coming events.
Once your attendants arrive at the venue the photographer may
want to take some pictures before your arrival so your chief
bridesmaid will have to organise the other attendants,
particularly any very young ones. Upon your arrival she should
ensure that everyone is in the right position behind you for
your entrance and make any necessary adjustments to your veil
and dress.
Once you have joined your groom your chief bridesmaid will
take your bouquet and gloves, if you are wearing them, and
look after them for the duration of the service. When the time
comes to sign the register your chief bridesmaid will go with
you into the vestry or side room, accompanied by the best man,
to witness the signing. She and the best man, followed by your
other attendants, will then take their positions behind you
and your new husband for the recessional.
Once you are all outside, your chief bridesmaid will be called
upon to help organise you and your other attendants for the
photographs. It is also quite usual for her to have
photographs taken with the best man.
Finally, she will have to gather together any runaway
attendants and make sure that they are all in the car to take
them to the reception.
Once at the reception your chief bridesmaid may be a part of
the receiving line. The purpose of this line is to allow the
guests to meet the bridal party, and to ensure that the bride
and groom at least say a few words to each of their guests.
She may have the responsibility for displaying your bouquet
somewhere safe, and preferably cool ensuring that it is not
damaged during the rest of the day. This is especially
important if you are planning to have your flowers preserved.
She should also circulate amongst your guests during the
reception, ensuring that they are enjoying themselves. In this
way she acts as your back-up as you will only have limited
time to spend with each of your guests.
Although the speeches are generally a male prerogative it is
becoming more usual for either you or your chief bridesmaid,
or even both of you to make a speech. If your chief bridesmaid
is to make a speech then she should plan early and have a
clear idea of the sentiments she wishes to express
There is a growing trend for bridesmaids to make speeches but
this is neither traditional nor compulsory and will not happen
at all weddings. However, with the bride now making speeches,
it is a nice touch for the Chief Bridesmaid (or one of the
bridesmaids - possibly her best friend or sister) to add a
short speech to the others. Keep it simple and use it to show
an aspect of your friend that you most admire e.g. she's a
good friend or has done really well in her career. Remember
that her family and work colleagues may be at the wedding so
avoid any scandalous revelations or mentions of how much she
hates her job!
Avoid referring to anything that the groom does not know
about and that could cause unnecessary embarrassment.
Don't refer to the past relationships of either the bride or
groom. The reference may be funny in private conversation,
but it would be unwise to use it as material for a speech
aimed at a family audience.
Consider using an
anecdote about something that has happened
during the day, or a comment that one of the party made to
you earlier. These do not necessarily have to be true. If
you say "someone said to me earlier that…" no one will know
who the "someone" was and whether it was actually said. This
also means that you do not pin a comment, whether positive
or slightly negative, on any one guest. This works
particularly well if you comment on something said to you by
the bride.
A suggested content of a chief bridesmaid's speech is given
below, which is traditionally light hearted and hopefully,
witty and amusing, It is unlikely to be relevant to your
situation but will serve as a starting point.
Sample Speech
You may think that you have heard all that needs to be said,
but I haven't even started yet. Don't despair though, I am
not the stereotypical woman, who you men think can talk
forever on any subject, although weddings has become a
specialty of mine over the last twelve months.
I would just like to take this opportunity to say a
heartfelt thank you to Abbey for giving me the honour of
being her chief bridesmaid. I felt so very proud when she
asked me and confess to shedding the odd tear or two. The
only time I have ever felt prouder in my life is today, as I
have watched my little brat of a sister make a miraculous
transition into this beautiful, radiant woman. And there
were times when we all thought that this would never happen
as we could not believe that anyone would ever take her on -
what with her history! Of course I mean her history of
accidents. Abbey is the only person I know who, on the most
important day of her life, managed to spill hot tea on her
foot, trip up the stairs, slip in the bathroom, fall over
her slippers and then put the heel of her shoe through the
hem of her petticoat. And all that in one morning.
Thankfully these were all minor mishaps and she has got
through the day in one piece. Sadly the same cannot be said
for the cat, who she managed step on as she made her grand
appearance down the stairs and who is now nursing a somewhat
misshapen tail. My only words of advice to you Matt is to
make sure that you are both well insured, you may need it.
We have all heard the lovely compliments paid to the
bridesmaids and I thank Robert (the best man) on their
behalf. I would like to return the compliment and say how
handsome the groomsmen all look in their morning suits.
However, I am amazed that Tony (the chief usher) is wearing
a matching outfit as I did have to explain to him that it
was a morning suit not a mourning suit and we were going to
celebrate Matt and Abbey's wedding, not bury them.
Nevertheless it is wonderful to see that he has gone to so
much effort to look good, a new haircut, close shave, nose
and ears hair free - it didn't work though, did it! Sorry
Tony, just joking, I think you look absolutely gorgeous.
Anyway, as one in the know, having experienced the joys of
marriage for the last two years, I would like to give Matt
and Abbey some genuine advice and perhaps words of comfort
for the years to come: "Marriage is a great university. It
teaches you patience, consideration, understanding…and all
sorts of nonsense you wouldn't have needed if you had stayed
single!" So let us raise our glasses once again, and I am
sure mum will have no objections to that, and wish Matt and
Abbey everything that they could possibly desire for their
future together.
Evening Reception
The first dance is exclusively your privilege, but it is
traditional for your chief bridesmaid to take the floor with
the best man to join you in the second dance. Finally, when
you change into your going away outfit your chief bridesmaid
should be on hand to take care of your dress and ensure that
it is returned to your home or, if necessary, to the hire
shop. The other attendants' dresses may need to be returned as
well, so she may well be asked to take responsibility for this
too.
Bridesmaids and Pageboys
Your other main attendants are your bridesmaids and pageboys
who are traditionally close relations or friends from either
of your families.
Young bridesmaids and pageboys make be a beautiful
addition to your bridal party, with their uninhibited
and natural behaviour providing much amusement and some
relief from the tensions of the day.
However, age is an important factor when choosing these
attendants, as while very young bridesmaids and pageboys
may look delightful they could end up being a fidgeting
nightmare and are often reluctant to perform to cue.
This is where your chief bridesmaid will come into her
own, as does a small bag of jellied sweets, to encourage
good behaviour. The main function of your bridesmaids
and pageboys is to accompany you during your ceremony
and generally add to the beauty of the day.
All of your attendants or their parents should make
themselves available for dress fittings, although you
must be flexible about this yourself. Older bridesmaids
should be willing to help out with the planning and
arrangements where required.
Be sure that your
attendants are all clearly aware of what is
expected of them before and on the day. Parents of your
younger attendants should also be included so that they can
have practice runs with them as if they have no idea what is
going on they can become fretful and fidgety. It is not
essential to have all your attendants at your rehearsal, but
it can help. So take them along if you can.
On The Day
Your bridesmaids and pageboys generally get ready at your home
before travelling with the chief bridesmaid to the ceremony
venue. You must therefore be sure that older attendants are
clearly aware of when and where they are needed.
Parents of younger children may need to be roped in to
help in the preparations however, very often they tend
to be more co-operative if their mum is not around so be
sure to arrange plenty of helpers.
Once at the church or venue the bridesmaids and pageboys
wait outside for you to arrive and then follow behind
you and the chief bridesmaid as you make your entrance.
Usually they will stand behind you throughout the
service, and then follow you as you leave, but be
prepared for younger ones to sit with their parents. You
should ensure that the ushers are aware of this
possibility and seat parents as close to the front as
possible.
Your bridesmaids and pageboys will be required to pose
for photographs, which can take some time. Again, if you
have very young attendants it is best to have the
important shots that will include them taken first, as
it doesn't take long for boredom to turn into mischief
or tears. They will then leave in the car with your
chief bridesmaid to make their way to the reception.
After The Ceremony
It is not usual for your bridesmaids and pageboys to
form part of the receiving line but they may be asked to
hand round slices of cake to the guests during the
reception to keep them involved.
Older attendants can join the top table if there is
room, but it is often better to allow younger ones to
sit with their parents close by.
Your Responsibility
Whether or not your attendants should contribute to the cost
of their outfits is a tricky dilemma and it's important that
this is discussed and everyone is aware of their financial
responsibilities as soon as possible. It's far better to agree
a compromise during the early stages than to risk a
misunderstanding and possibly a serious upset because this
hadn't been discussed at the very beginning
Finally, this is an exciting day for everyone involved so
although your attendants have a very important role to perform
in helping your day run smoothly, they shouldn't be overlooked
when it comes to the speeches . Traditionally it is the
groom's place to compliment and thank the bridesmaids in his
speech. It's also the groom's responsibility to present the
bridal attendants with a thank you gift .